Status updates

2009
April 9, 2009 ·
What u r is bcoz of wat u r, it's got nothin to do wid the past; wat u may hav bcome is not ur fault, it's all got to do wid the past.
October 20, 2009 ·
The heaven is too peaceful to live. The hell is too treacherous. This world is a mixture of both and even worse than either.
December 4, 2009 ·
Wanna run away from this reality which holds no meaning, from this country which holds no reason, and from myself who holds no explanation why.
December 4, 2009 ·
Have you ever seen a meteor falling down to the earth? Well I feel like i'm that meteor, the only thing left is the impact.
December 5, 2009 ·
Is this cold feeling because of the wind or my heart?
December 6, 2009 ·
Tonight the shooting star taught me how happiness can fade away in a blink of an eye but it also taught me how it can come unexpectedly.
December 16, 2009 ·
Forgive me for what I have done; for u may not for what i am going to.
--- unforgivable is what others may perceive, happiness is what i may. - December 16, 2009 at 10:30am
December 16, 2009 ·
The tears in my eyes remind me of not the pain i feel but of the pain i have caused.
December 16, 2009 ·
This world is too small for you and me, so we need to create our own worlds.
December 18, 2009 ·
The only thing that is certain is yesterday.
December 20, 2009 ·
Hate me for what i could not do, love me for what i did not do. Cheer me up for what i can do, forgive me for what i will.

2010
January 9, 2010 ·
no1 to say hi, no dope to get high, wanna run out the window and fly, who cares even if i die hahahahahaha
January 9, 2010 ·
Is this my anger from within that i'm feeling or the anger from this song i'm absorbing ????? F***
January 21, 2010 ·
Anything i say may not mean anything to u now, but when i'm silent u'll crave for my words.
January 22, 2010 ·
tell me u hate me, ill say i love u: tell me u wanna run, ill follow u: tell me u wanna hit me, ill let u: tell me to go away and i will, coz everything can be made better but not a broken heart
January 25, 2010 ·
What do u do when life knocks u out? stand up and move on What do u do when love knocks u out? nothing.......what else can u do
January 25, 2010 ·
Just remember, my sorrows are not urs, nor is my pain, for u can only imagine how it feels but never feel it. u can hold me, but not the pain.
January 31, 2010 ·
Don't give me choice, coz i'll just make the same mistake again..........
January 31, 2010 ·
How long must i cry for these tears to finish and for me to cry no more?
June 25, 2010 ·
Even death cannot suffice this pain,
Only your smile will stop this rain!!!

2011
March 18, 2011 ·
Must feel good to live an illusion.

2012
December 2, 2012 ·
Some days I want to cut myself to see how real this world is and how real my pain is.
December 7, 2012 ·
There is no need to worry if your world turns upside down, thank goodness for gravity.

2013
October 16, 2013 ·
A world unexplored should not be a world feared, but a world not experienced before.
October 17, 2013 ·
Having a beating heart doesn't necessarily mean you are living, it means you ain't dead yet.

2014
January 27, 2014 ·
It only takes time, if you take time doing it.
September 20, 2014 ·
Having good dreams when i'm sleeping ain't bad, the only bad thing is then i have nightmares when i'm awake.
September 25, 2014 ·
Always wear a hard hat; for when the sky falls, it may be your only protection.
October 2, 2014 ·
People are afraid of suicides because it reminds them in the subconscious level of their own mortality. In my view, the ultimate freedom of choice is whether to live or not. All other choices are merely a distraction from inevitability.
November 6, 2014 ·
Insanity is not my plea, it is my being.

2015
January 18 ·
Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man, and his number is 666. (The Revelation of St. John)
March 18 ·
Tears at night, laughter at day, this is how this clown lives.
March 22 ·
People say drugs are bad for you. I agree, but so are my thoughts.
March 23 ·
The day passes by and night remains. The light fades away, only darkness remains.
April 2 at 12:51am ·
I get high for fun, for entertainment or just to relax. But most importantly I do it get away from reality. So the problem is not my substance abuse but reality itself.
April 16 at 11:16pm ·
GOoD (pronounced- guwd, "o" silent)- That feeling when you can contradict religious people using texts from their own HOLY book *cough*storybook*cough*.
April 21 at 9:28am ·
When all you do is hurt the ones you love, isn't distancing them the best option?
April 24 at 12:31am ·
They say chivalry is dead. Blame capitalism. To reduce cost they changed 'ch' with 'r', so that's why now rivalry is prevalent. Convert to communism, bring chivalry back haha — at Earth.
April 26 at 12:41am ·
Lonely as ever- past haunting me, i want forgiveness- but you don't want to see, wish i was a friend- ended an enemy, now you haunt me- insanity.
April 26 at 12:57am ·
I am just a shadow, people look right past... turn on the lights, death at last.
Darkness comforts me, a frozen heart... scattered in the earth, a head start.
April 26 at 1:15am ·
Hope is not something I can rely on. I was optimistic, I was a fool. Life knows when to break you, love knows how. I never meant to hurt them, but I did. When you love with a black heart, even roses can't bloom.

Departure

I tried not to love you,
but I can't resist your charm,
this heart ain't real baby,
didn't wanna cause you harm.
You took me in without doubt,
but the doubtful one was me,
so innocent is your mind,
this dark soul is the one that won't let be.
My intentions are pure,
but my inner demon says i'm wrong,
now I sit here looking at you,
making our own sad song.
You'll never know my true feelings,
this mask is the only me you'll ever know,
as my blood drains from me,
an ending to another tragic show.

I tried to love you,
give you what you need,
but you shoved me away like a little kid,
this heart is not made of greed.
And so tonight I know the path ahead,
your actions have said it all,
forget my friendship and my affection,
it's time for this titan to fall.
Do not judge me or my action,
I am not as strong as you are,
I've battled demons for far too long,
now the destination is not far.
I'm sorry to leave you alone,
You may not think of me as right,
but now that you walked out my life,
I can finally die in peace tonight.

Composed: 03/18/2015
Published: 03/19/2015

Facebook love (Part 1)          

Waiting

I've been patiently waiting,
for you to come online,
looking at my friend's list,
waiting for the green light,
Every other person that's lit,
is no concern of mine,
the one that matters the most,
is the one that is dark,
My patience is wearing thin,
anger and frustration sets in,
i want you to be here so bad,
why aren't you here, my love,
I am tempted to call you,
but you said you'd be here,
i don't want to disturb you,
just know that i care,
It's been thirty minutes now,
my hope is all but gone,
been refreshing the page for ten minutes,
my finger is getting sore,
I think about you in my mind,
hoping you can hear my plea,
hoping you can be here now,
knowing not what else to do,
Friends start to message me,
but tonight is all for you,
i ignore them like i always do,
you are the reason i'm here,
An hour has passed now,
my body is a hollow shell,
staring at the screen in front,
conceded to defeat, to sadness,
I look at your pictures,
they comfort me, my mind,
i lay down with chat memories,
and fall asleep remembering better times.

 

Created: 09/07/2014

My Angel          

There are times i cry,
times i regret living,
but with your every thought,
with your every act of giving,
the darkness inside gets lifted,
i can see the light,
but as you go away,
i give up the fight,
demons lurk inside me,
i'm afraid what you'll say,
but as your kindness eminates,
i trugde on every day,
life seems pointless sometimes,
death is my only reward,
but with your every word,
it doesn't seem so hard,
the way you smile,
the way you talk,
you are my light,
you are my rock,
hold me in the dark,
hold me in your arms,
till the dark fades,
till the storm calms,
I love you my angel,
and i know you do the same,
walk by my side forever,
and help me win this game.

Created: 09/18/2014

Heart-broken

I miss the laughter of the girl I love, 
the smile on her face when she was with me, 
now I can only dream to be with her by my side, 
and pray to god to let my dream be, 
only memories make me happy now, 
memories of the warmth of her body close to mine, 
to be with her in body and soul is all i ask, 
if it comes true in future then its fine, 
however this mind wanders and wanders everyday, 
to the moment we shared together before, 
i pray to the almighty to have mercy on us, 
so that we can pass this stage in life and have no pain anymore, 
still this heart is weakened every moment, 
the fear of the future growing as time pass by, 
all i can do now is to go back in time, 
to remember our first kiss and just sit back and cry.


Created: 3/3/2009 on Facebook

Questions of Love

When you kiss someone, what do you do? Love them or see if there is any benefit of being with them? Does looking for benefit mean you do not love them nor is it being conscious of the situation? Does loving them mean that you are blindly in love with them or blinded by the situation of simple infatuation? Who decides whether that kiss was a chance taken rather than a bond made and who decides whether it can turn into anything or everything? Is love a compromise or is it a make and break relation? If I love someone, does it mean I have to sacrifice everything? If you love someone very dearly and had to make a decision, would you sacrifice everything for that love or would you sacrifice love itself? Does loving someone mean you have to put their needs ahead of yours or try to fulfill their needs after yours own?

Questions like these will haunt us and others as well. To understand these, we have to understand the basics of love. What is love? Why do we love? How do we know it is love? It is never easy to have a definite meaning for something so broad and yet it has been defined by every person, in his or her own experience and tales. Some see love as infatuation; others see it as a pastime but the whole meaning can be only be found within, for one can only find the truth in oneself.

I saw the sun through the black clouds,

Clouds that had blinded me for a long time,

A single lightning came and struck me,

The lightning that purified me,

Water gushed all around me,

Fluid that consumed all my hatred,

The ground made way for me,

A fall into the abyss of freedom,

Then I opened my eyes,

And I found you. 

Created: 6/24/2010

Last modified: 6/24/2010

In Pursuit of Love

In Pursuit of Love

Who are you? I do not know and I don’t need to. Your presence by my side is all I want. I need you in every step of my life. Without you I am alone; I am scared. Come to me, let us be one. What is your significance in my life? I question this to myself but the answer is not necessary. You are my life, my soul, my death. What have I done? Forgive me for any mistakes I have done, any heart I have broken and any pain I have caused.

When we were one, I separated you from me. I regret this every time. Now when we are worlds apart, I hope I can see you for the last time, to hold you, and say that I love you. ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’. When was the last time I saw you, talked to you but now I am sorry I could not express my love to you. Now it’s only a lonely heart searching for a lost cause. I pray to god everyday, every moment to rewind time so that I can be with you; together in silence with the warmth of togetherness. Do you remember those days, those precious moments? Do you remember the night when our story began? When your head rested on my shoulder and tears flowed from your eyes. How that night changed my life, my thoughts, and my mind.

Know this that I had loved you and this heart beats for you even today. You are the reason I have survived to this day. Life is too long to die young but our separation has already killed me. My heart is bloody and scarred and with every second it deteriorates. I can take it no longer.

The fact that we will never be one always haunts me like a shadow. But does it matter now? I don’t think so. Still I hope that once more our life will lead to the same path and we can be what we used to be. The bright flames of love may have disappeared but still a spark remains; waiting to be lit, to live. The magical moments of my life are now gone and I cannot re-live it but still every memory seems real enough to comfort me, my pain, my loss.         

Does life matter for me? I don’t know but I think I am doing o.k. but I hope that the love does not fade away. Forgive me for my mistakes, my ignorance. There is nothing I would not do for you.   


Created: 9/25/2007
Last modified: 3/22/2009