Heart-broken

I miss the laughter of the girl I love, 
the smile on her face when she was with me, 
now I can only dream to be with her by my side, 
and pray to god to let my dream be, 
only memories make me happy now, 
memories of the warmth of her body close to mine, 
to be with her in body and soul is all i ask, 
if it comes true in future then its fine, 
however this mind wanders and wanders everyday, 
to the moment we shared together before, 
i pray to the almighty to have mercy on us, 
so that we can pass this stage in life and have no pain anymore, 
still this heart is weakened every moment, 
the fear of the future growing as time pass by, 
all i can do now is to go back in time, 
to remember our first kiss and just sit back and cry.


Created: 3/3/2009 on Facebook

Questions of Love

When you kiss someone, what do you do? Love them or see if there is any benefit of being with them? Does looking for benefit mean you do not love them nor is it being conscious of the situation? Does loving them mean that you are blindly in love with them or blinded by the situation of simple infatuation? Who decides whether that kiss was a chance taken rather than a bond made and who decides whether it can turn into anything or everything? Is love a compromise or is it a make and break relation? If I love someone, does it mean I have to sacrifice everything? If you love someone very dearly and had to make a decision, would you sacrifice everything for that love or would you sacrifice love itself? Does loving someone mean you have to put their needs ahead of yours or try to fulfill their needs after yours own?

Questions like these will haunt us and others as well. To understand these, we have to understand the basics of love. What is love? Why do we love? How do we know it is love? It is never easy to have a definite meaning for something so broad and yet it has been defined by every person, in his or her own experience and tales. Some see love as infatuation; others see it as a pastime but the whole meaning can be only be found within, for one can only find the truth in oneself.

I saw the sun through the black clouds,

Clouds that had blinded me for a long time,

A single lightning came and struck me,

The lightning that purified me,

Water gushed all around me,

Fluid that consumed all my hatred,

The ground made way for me,

A fall into the abyss of freedom,

Then I opened my eyes,

And I found you. 

Created: 6/24/2010

Last modified: 6/24/2010

In Pursuit of Love

In Pursuit of Love

Who are you? I do not know and I don’t need to. Your presence by my side is all I want. I need you in every step of my life. Without you I am alone; I am scared. Come to me, let us be one. What is your significance in my life? I question this to myself but the answer is not necessary. You are my life, my soul, my death. What have I done? Forgive me for any mistakes I have done, any heart I have broken and any pain I have caused.

When we were one, I separated you from me. I regret this every time. Now when we are worlds apart, I hope I can see you for the last time, to hold you, and say that I love you. ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’. When was the last time I saw you, talked to you but now I am sorry I could not express my love to you. Now it’s only a lonely heart searching for a lost cause. I pray to god everyday, every moment to rewind time so that I can be with you; together in silence with the warmth of togetherness. Do you remember those days, those precious moments? Do you remember the night when our story began? When your head rested on my shoulder and tears flowed from your eyes. How that night changed my life, my thoughts, and my mind.

Know this that I had loved you and this heart beats for you even today. You are the reason I have survived to this day. Life is too long to die young but our separation has already killed me. My heart is bloody and scarred and with every second it deteriorates. I can take it no longer.

The fact that we will never be one always haunts me like a shadow. But does it matter now? I don’t think so. Still I hope that once more our life will lead to the same path and we can be what we used to be. The bright flames of love may have disappeared but still a spark remains; waiting to be lit, to live. The magical moments of my life are now gone and I cannot re-live it but still every memory seems real enough to comfort me, my pain, my loss.         

Does life matter for me? I don’t know but I think I am doing o.k. but I hope that the love does not fade away. Forgive me for my mistakes, my ignorance. There is nothing I would not do for you.   


Created: 9/25/2007
Last modified: 3/22/2009

Love & Hate

                                        LOVE & HATE

                         When a baby is born he experiences love all around him. His cry becomes others happiness. As he grows up he is taught to love everyone. His parent tries to make the environment around him full of goodness and truth. His mind begins to adopt the feeling of love. He begins to spread love everywhere cause all that’s all he is taught. He is kept aside of all the violence and killings.

                         He is grown up to be an apt pupil but then his heart begins to fill full of hate and anger. Noone can see the devil that has grown inside him. Not even the wisest of men can tell what is wrong with him. He begins to turn those feeling of love into the machine of sorrow and grief. He has been turned into a teenager of modern world. He begins to hate the world.

                        Then, at that moment his life changes completely. He cannot describe his feelings to others nor can he live life completely. He is like a dummy in a showroom. This is the power of “love”. He suddenly feels that life is again full of happiness and lively. His life is not for himself. He lives for others. His mind begins to play tricks with him. His mind is always towards her. Her very sight brightens his day and her only presence makes him feel ‘god’. He has never felt this good. Her face always floats around his head. He has forgotten the world and the only planet he lives in is love. Never has he felt like this but this very feeling brings pleasure to him. He knows that his life depends on her. He knows he will die without her. Her vision is already traced in his mind. He is desperate to get her attention and so does crazy things. He does not care what the world will say as he only wants to hear what she will say.

                        But the day comes when she becomes another person’s love. He goes mad and begins to hate himself for what he could not do. The grief of loneliness overcomes his feelings and sorrow overshadows him. The bright light of life fades away and blackness surrounds him. He is free but the burden of love chains him, his actions and his thoughts. Forget her how can he, he is trapped. His mind is clouded by the precious moments with her, those magical moments. He breaks into tear not of sorrow but of anger, desperation. He hates life and everything around him. The love that he once had has disappeared and the bright light of life slowly fades away. He feels cursed and his every action turns against him. The luck he once felt has gone and so has his love. He is blinded; by hate, by anger, by desperation, by hopelessness. His mind cannot think, he cannot see, nor hear, nor touch, nor smell but only hate everything as he remembers all the wonderful moments that have passed him never to come back.            

Created: 1/5/2006
Last modified: 2/27/2012

My Love

My love

Ever since the day we found love in each other I have found a safe haven in you, your touch, your kiss and your words. It has not been too long since our beginning but I promise that our end will never come. Better than a life without you; death seems so sweet, so refreshing, so inviting but with you by my side I will live a thousand years, be it in bone, in flesh or in spirit.

The day we began to write our story is the happiest thing that’s happened to me but guess happiness is just like the wind; blowing away yet returning time and again. I want to cherish all the moments with you and I know I have, yet this heart wants you every day, hour, minute, second and moment.

People say love is a trap but I think not. How can you be a trap? There will come times when we may not be together; the warmth ness of your hug, the sweetness of your kiss will be missed but let’s move on knowing fate has brought us together and it will bring us in future because we have one life to be together so let’s enjoy it in each others company. A moment of separation is nothing compared to the lifetime we will spend together. So let’s cherish our separation not as a divider but a test before we’re one, a plan in motion to bring you to me forever. So never be sad if I’m not around you because I’ll always be in your heart, your mind and your soul and you will always be in mine.

Do you remember that day? The rain that brought us together was the blessing of god to bring you in my arms, my thoughts, my life and my future. Why did you come that day and why did I? Even when no one came, we arrived because we had an obligation to fulfill as a friend, a mate, and that bond brought us together; together in harmony, together in love. The coldness of the weather, the darkness of the day, the warmth ness of each other’s company, the silence of minds and the magnet of our hearts, all brought us together and I promise you that we will never be apart as you are printed in my heart and I am in yours.

So let us rejoice because we have found our soul mate in each other and the truth of our future will always make us smile as couples are made in heaven as are marriages and one day we will look upon these days and remember the trust, the patience, the need, the scarcity of love we had and will smile, with god as proof, because we will have won, won the battle to be together, to live and to die in each other’s arm but never to separate, never in life nor in death but to love each other till eternity.                     

Created: 10/1/2008

Last modified: 12/5/2008

My World

My World

Looking out this window I see a world,

A world I’m a part of but do not feel like it,

A world I have been born into,

But with every breath the life is fading,

Before life it is where I came from,

After death it is where I must vanish,

Came from nowhere,

Going home to nothingness,

Every time I look at the sunset,

I feel like ending myself, this agony.

Every moment is a challenge,

Something not worth living for,

The darkness comforts me,

I want to be invisible, to be unseen as I have

To be unheard of by anyone,

Living in complete isolation,

Unburdened by the world,

I want to be alone,

With her by my side,

I want to die alone.

What is the meaning of this life?

For I don’t see a reason for mine,

I don’t see a reason for existence,

A reason for a reason to be,

Is suffering my happiness?

Depression my medicine,

Poison my water,

Let me fade away.

Created: 10/26/2009

Last modified: 2/27/2012

Plead

This world full of broken hearts

Let it bleed to death

The corrupted soul breeding chaos

Let it flow to hell

I’ve seen naught but suffering

I’ve seen naught but blood

Free me from this dungeon

I request you, my savior

Take me to your world

Let me find myself

For I cannot in this cursed place

A place of utmost hate

Why am I here

I was promised heaven

Those words of lies

Like the sound of people’s comfort

Life was meant to be

But why like this

What grudge have you with me

 Tell me for now I am coming to you

This life is not worth it

And this world wants people like me

Who die, for their love of freedom

Die for the freedom of love

Snatched from me was my love

Never to return to this heart

Why torture me like this

Instead welcome me to your place

Take me to your home

To your arms

Let my life die

Let me be free. 

Created: 10/25/2007

Last modified: 12/5/2008

Some words of Love

·  Love is a song; just flow with the rhythm.

o   Love is a poem; just know how to rhyme.

·  Love is a game; just play it fair.

·  Love is a mirror; just don’t let it break.

·  Love is a river; just let it flow.

·  Love is a medium to communicate; just use it.

·  Love is a trap; just avoid it.

·  Love is a bird; just let it fly.

·  Love is a room; just make it cozy.

·  Love is a flower; just watch its beauty.

·  Love is a plane; just don’t let it crash.

·  Love is life; just imagine it to be long.

·  Love is sadness; just let it pass.

·  Love is pressure; just try to relax.

·  Love is a work of art; just appreciate it.

·  Love is a bond; just tighten it.

·  Love is a smoke; just watch it fade away.

·  Love is a light; just get enlightenment.

·  Love is betrayal; just learn to cope it.

·  Love is a storm; just look at its destruction.

·  Love is strength; just know how to utilize it.

·  Love is rain; just hold it in your palm.

·  Love is a scar; just don’t carry it.

·  Love is a breath; just feel the warmth.

·  Love is faith; just believe in it.

·  Love is a dream; just try to wake up.

·  Love is respect; just honor it.

·  Love is a fashion; just copy it.

·  Love is pain; just bear it.

·  Love is charisma; just don’t let it control you.

·  Love is deceit; just don’t fall in it.

·  Love is a nightmare; just don’t get scared.

·  Love is a memory; just don’t forget it.

·  Love is a mistake; just face it.

·  Love is a feeling; just experience it.

o   Love is a religion; just follow it..           

                                                       

 Far am I from the world where love is a blessing not a curse. Far am I from a world full of understanding and care. The world I knew doesn’t exist anymore. I feel alone; trapped in a world full of anger and hatred. The feelings inside me are all confused and I cannot explain them. How much can a person tolerate his past before going all insane? I try to build my future but my past haunts  me. Am I to be tortured by my past? God gives everybody a second chance but I wonder if he makes exceptions. I ask myself if I am worthy of gods love because I don’t think I am.

Ever since the fateful day I question myself if I can ever provide love to others. I wonder how one moment can change our life. When will I forget those moments which has now and then proven precious? How can I? Never in my life had I felt loved like the one I had got but now they are only pitiful feelings haunting me. I condemn myself for the pain because one is responsible for his own fate. If tears can forget those moments then have I not shed enough tears? If a smile can make our sadness go then why does god only teach me sadness?

Have I forgotten those moments? Guess not. Those moments are like diamonds which gives me light even in the darkest hours. These are the only moments that I live for. Is happiness to be forgotten just to be a prisoner of the present?

 The world is separated by love and hate. Why does people envy others love? I don’t know others views but personally I think love is the only surviving power that helps us to move forward in life. In present time people only concentrate on the adverse part of love. Hasn’t love made this world a better place? If love was present in the world then why do people have to preach love. Someone told me," The brightest of future will always be based on a forgotten past." But I ask myself can I forget the past which is the base of my existence?

My life is a living hell. Every day, every moment the pain inside me gets amplified. Sometimes it gets too painful, so I sit down and cry. How much should I suffer still?  I pray to god to send me back to my past but do I want to go back? Do I want to go to the time from which my loneliness and pain had started? Do I want to face you again because I don’t think I can? And even if I return will we be what we used to be. The times we were together, those beautiful hours. When we were together I had nothing to say to you but now I have so many that I can’t remember anymore. Instead of silence, if I had shared my feelings with you would our relationship be any better? No I don’t think so because you told me to let go. Let go of my love, my life, my dream, my hope.

I thank you because even if I couldn’t understand love, I understood how it feels to be detached from love, to feel tragic, to feel lonesome. You taught me hate, despair and I thank you for that, for without it I could never have appreciated the beauty of love.                  


Created: 10/24/2007
Last modified: 3/22/2009